but why the name Silky???

Our name, in any bloody language, is the sweetest word to our ears.  You hear someone calling you, and and you suddenly feel, you Exist:  yes, that's me, that's my name, I am the one you are calling.  Suddenly all your senses are active, reflexes awakened, response impending. But I want  to ask you a question.  Who gives identity to whom?  Does the name give us identity or we give identity to the name?

My mom named me Silky, very innocently. :P  And ever since I realised my name stood out in the crowd, I have been proud of it.  When I was a child, I used to find ways of advertising the fact that my name is 'Silky'.  Any stranger I would meet, say a new friend, or a new relative, I would deliberately ask their name...social courtesy made it sure they would ask mine in return! :P  So as soon as they had told their name, I would stand ready to be thrown the evergreen question: "What's Yours?"  I would blurt out, 'SILKY', and then help them by spelling S-I-L-K-Y, and smile with all my teeth out; and look at their confused-cum-amazed face; and I would clarify - yeah you heard it right baby, and yes that's my good name, the name my class teacher calls out from the register, ask my mom if you don't believe me.

Of course, I slowly got bored of the name game as I grew up.  But of late, there is this another sense of uneasiness growing within me.  Silky sounded good when I was a cute little baby.  I am no more so. And I wonder what will happen when I get married, become a mother and then pass into old age. The name will stay...but none of its silkiness!!

People have already started finding it funny, earlier they used to find it cute.     :(  I can't help noticing people smirking when they hear my name and I think : you jealous creature with a boring name, I don't give a damn. But the fact is I DO CARE.... not about the fact that how to justify my name. But about 'WHY SHOULD' I justify it.  To add to the contradictions, I am quite clumsy (behaviour unsilky), my hair are that strange wavy kind (unsilky), and my skin follows suit :( (unsilky). 

So I put my foot down and think of Wordsworth: 'What's in a name?'  I am NOT going to live up to my name.  I don't owe anything to it. Infact, it works the other way round.  My name is going to live up to me.  It owes me my meaning, the meaning that I give to it everyday, by my actions, by my achievements, by my relationships.  And I am going to decide what that meaning is!
And when people talk about me, I don't want them to wonder "Who is Silky?"....I want them to wonder : "Who Silky Is?"