Jul 11, 2013

Continues to Roll

Wish I could help my life again,
Like the school and college days.

This routine of earning the coin,
Has such little craze!

My room remains tidy.
But to what ultimate use?

The confusion in my mind,
Makes things too difficult to chose.

I've been trying to reach myself.
Thinking of writing a postcard.

My morning and my nights,
Are so damn far apart!

Wild is freedom,
And free should be soul.

But tied in responsibility,
My calendar continues to roll.


May 30, 2013

Love versus Money! ?

While reading this book: "Predictably Irrational", I had an eerie realization and came to know how wrongly I have been leading my social life since I gained 'consciousness' of it. 

The book says that

"when a social norm collides with a market norm, the social norm goes away for a long time. In other words, social relationships are not easy to reestablish. Once the bloom is off the rose—once a social norm is trumped by a market norm—it will rarely return."

So, first of all let me clarify what the two norms are:

Social Norm: Things we do for others, give others, that are on their face 'invaluable' because we do it out of love, as a favor, out of warmth, likeness, admiration, whatever you call it.

Market Norm: Things we do for others in exchange for something of explicit monetary value.

So, as it happens, till now, in my whole life, as in really whole of life, as far as I remember, I never ever allowed any one to do anything for me as part of 'Social Norm' except my closest family members of course!  I would jump at every opportunity to return favors, to pay people back, to somehow balance the transaction to my content.
But alas! As the emboldened sentences claim, and I believe they are completely true!; such behavior of mine, forces 'selfish market-norms' to enter 'warm and fuzzy social norms' and destroys the relationship for eternity!

No wonder!

And going back to the friends I have made, I realize, truly to my surprise, they have always been those whom I never wanted to pay back for a favor, or never wanted to put a 'value' to.  More so, they always found a way of giving me, something, in someway, that I could never return.  How very late a realization! No wonder I am so close to my parents and my brother, even though I hardly talk to them or am in touch with them - because all my life, they have done 'favors' to me - things they never put a market value to.

So true, then, that we human beings live in TWO SIMULTANEOUS WORLDS - Social and Market - world of love and world of money - world of self-less-ness and world of expectations - world of pure joy and world of counted gain - world of memories and world of bank-balance.
No wonder, we like doing things for free, more than we like doing them, when we are getting paid!

And that really makes we wonder, whether I should split bills with my boy friend, whether I should always keep track of how much I owe someone in terms of value of their favors, well, difficult for me to accept.  May be if I wish to have more closer friends, more valuable friendships, I must let people do favors to me. I must never let the 'marker norms' pollute the 'social ones'; never bring in the slightest trace of 'value' in something that is best left 'invaluable'. :)

May 20, 2013

From 'Freakonomics' : When a Woman Doesn't Want a Child

When a woman does not want to have a child, she usually has good reason. She may be unmarried or in a bad marriage. She may consider herself too poor to raise a child. She may think her life is too unstable or unhappy, or she may think that her drinking or drug use will damage the baby’s health. She may believe that she is too young or hasn’t yet received enough education. She may want a child badly but in a few years, not now. For any of a hundred reasons, she may feel that she cannot provide a home environment that is conducive to raising a healthy and productive child.


May 19, 2013

Like a Pendulum

It happens many a time,
That you wish you were in Rome,
But you know you are being dragged,
To a completely different Zone.

In such situations,
I have experienced,
You must go farther away,
To be able to come back forever and stay.

Just like a catapult which,
Cannot quite reach its destiny,
If it hasn't been pulled away,
In the opposite most end they say.

Or like the Pendulum,
Which cannot go left,
Until and unless with the same force,
It has touched the far right in course.

And so it happens with us all,
That to do what is right,
We must also do what is not.
And do it with the might.

Eventually we will all reach,
Where we are meant to be.
But worrying about the same,
Is going to be an exercise, lame.

So go on with yourself
And dance like a Pendulum.
To end up where you belong,
Endure the other side for a bit long.

You will be back for sure,
Exactly where you can be pure.
Never to go anywhere else,
No more under any spells.

May 17, 2013

Emptiness Phobia

My empty mind
A devil's workshop
My empty hours
One by one they hop

I need something to do
Each and every hour of the day
But sometimes 'Doing' itself
Is not enough in every way

You need someone to talk to
To meet, to share, to laugh with
You need a companion beside you
To prevent your life from being shit

If only I loved sleeping as much!
If only I could sleep my hours away
But I need so much out of each day
That I hate to just lie down that way

I hope this passes soon
I have never felt this low before
Life! please give me better things to do
Than to ask for others' time door to door

Misery, I hate
But something with me is definitely wrong
I wasn't feeling so lonely back then
Why is it such an issue for this long

I will wait for time to be brighter
I will wait for hours to be tighter
I won't stay on in this emptiness
I won't allow myself drown in this mess

The only fear I have however
Is that 'they' won't be needed one day
And then they better not blame me 
If a simple 'sorry' to them, I also say!

May 14, 2013

To Mumbai

Yeah! Another mouth for the city to feed.  But I am probably one of luckiest people here. With not just a roof over my head, but with a spacious room to myself, with privacy, with loving people around and some really lively pets!

To avoid making this post like a journal, I would just mention things that I felt since arriving in Mumbai, and joining Work.

1.  I miss MICA terribly

Every night, I sit with my facebook open, and go over and over all my photographs and recall all the trivial things that are cocooned safely in those pictures - my friends, the jokes, the adventures, the silliness, the honesty, the love, the freedom, and what not.

MICA! Sigh! I wish to make a confession here. Although it would have suited more in the year-end Testimonial section, but Kirti and Kshama! - I became your friend (and I like to think - a close friend) only at the end of 'the-last-but-one' trimester of MICA.  Have spent probably, what, - 4 months with you girls?  But those four months have been more memorable than all the rest of the time at MICA.  And thank God, for it ended this way.  Kirti and Kshama! My face lights up at the slightest thought of you girls.  And this is like very important.  (I am only able to say this for just two other friends of mine, girls by the name 'Jyothi Shekhawat' and 'Tabitha' from Hyderabad.)

If MICA was a dream, I would never wake up.  If MICA was liquor, I would die drinking.  If MICA was an ocean, I would never learn to swim, and jump right in.  :P :P too much madness happening.  But I really really miss it!

2.  I can live post-MICA

Well, I have mentioned post-MICA as if it was a malignant cancer! Lol. But true! I am happy and content.  Just that life isn't all that happening in the same way as it is in 'Amaltas' > MICA > Shela.  But hopefully this will change, with Kirti madam gracing Mumbai with her phataka presence.  Thing is I have never felt such longing for anyone.  And I am afraid, as to what happened to me! Me - the Silky who could live all alone, on her own, without the slightest need of any life - man, woman, animals (more on that follows).

One thing that has helped is staying with 20 other living beings under a single roof (lemme count just for the heck of it!)
3 Guinea Pigs + 1 Fish + 3 Turtles + 2 Tortoise + 1 boy + 1 girl + 1 aunt + 1 dog + 2 Squirrels + 1 infant + 2 married people + 2 grand-parents! (Whoooh! - 20 it is!)

What I don't ever want to miss in this life post-MICA is the regular dose of fun.  I wish to do more and more, much more - see new places, watch movies, do adventures, drink, eat, and yes, be safe as well while doing all of this.  And yes, I need company for the fun, because How else to Feel the Fun, if there's no one to Share it with!?  I hope I find company in this maniacle, crowded, metropolis; for the things that life has to offer.

3.  Work can be Fun too

I have no hesitation in saying that I do like my work profile in my company.  Though it does get irritating at times, with so many jargons and google search dependency every few minutes, all said and done, it is related to something, which in the bigger picture, I can go on doing for the remaining working years of my life.

4.  I need to Keep up with myself

I need to join some classes soon!  That would make me feel happier and more enthusiastic.  Dance classes, Music classes, anything would do.  Painting! Oh yes, I need to paint often. One painting a Month? Too ambitious, I guess. I also want to learn a Two-Wheeler! Being able to ride a Bike would be a dream!!!!!!  But for now, even confident driving of a car, which I already have learnt, is challenging. I hope this changes soon! God, hello, you, listening!? I wish to ride a Bike on my own! How Awesome would it be!

Aah that's all for now. I am sleepy and tired! But felt good to write something after a quite looong time. Thanks Google, like most other things, I owe even this one to you!