While reading this book: "Predictably Irrational", I had an eerie realization and came to know how wrongly I have been leading my social life since I gained 'consciousness' of it.
So, as it happens, till now, in my whole life, as in really whole of life, as far as I remember, I never ever allowed any one to do anything for me as part of 'Social Norm' except my closest family members of course! I would jump at every opportunity to return favors, to pay people back, to somehow balance the transaction to my content.
No wonder!
And going back to the friends I have made, I realize, truly to my surprise, they have always been those whom I never wanted to pay back for a favor, or never wanted to put a 'value' to. More so, they always found a way of giving me, something, in someway, that I could never return. How very late a realization! No wonder I am so close to my parents and my brother, even though I hardly talk to them or am in touch with them - because all my life, they have done 'favors' to me - things they never put a market value to.
So true, then, that we human beings live in TWO SIMULTANEOUS WORLDS - Social and Market - world of love and world of money - world of self-less-ness and world of expectations - world of pure joy and world of counted gain - world of memories and world of bank-balance.
And that really makes we wonder, whether I should split bills with my boy friend, whether I should always keep track of how much I owe someone in terms of value of their favors, well, difficult for me to accept. May be if I wish to have more closer friends, more valuable friendships, I must let people do favors to me. I must never let the 'marker norms' pollute the 'social ones'; never bring in the slightest trace of 'value' in something that is best left 'invaluable'. :)
The book says that
"when a social norm collides with a market norm, the social norm goes away for a long time. In other words, social relationships are not easy to reestablish. Once the bloom is off the rose—once a social norm is trumped by a market norm—it will rarely return."
So, first of all let me clarify what the two norms are:
Social Norm: Things we do for others, give others, that are on their face 'invaluable' because we do it out of love, as a favor, out of warmth, likeness, admiration, whatever you call it.
Market Norm: Things we do for others in exchange for something of explicit monetary value.
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So, as it happens, till now, in my whole life, as in really whole of life, as far as I remember, I never ever allowed any one to do anything for me as part of 'Social Norm' except my closest family members of course! I would jump at every opportunity to return favors, to pay people back, to somehow balance the transaction to my content.
But alas! As the emboldened sentences claim, and I believe they are completely true!; such behavior of mine, forces 'selfish market-norms' to enter 'warm and fuzzy social norms' and destroys the relationship for eternity!
No wonder!
And going back to the friends I have made, I realize, truly to my surprise, they have always been those whom I never wanted to pay back for a favor, or never wanted to put a 'value' to. More so, they always found a way of giving me, something, in someway, that I could never return. How very late a realization! No wonder I am so close to my parents and my brother, even though I hardly talk to them or am in touch with them - because all my life, they have done 'favors' to me - things they never put a market value to.
So true, then, that we human beings live in TWO SIMULTANEOUS WORLDS - Social and Market - world of love and world of money - world of self-less-ness and world of expectations - world of pure joy and world of counted gain - world of memories and world of bank-balance.
No wonder, we like doing things for free, more than we like doing them, when we are getting paid!
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And that really makes we wonder, whether I should split bills with my boy friend, whether I should always keep track of how much I owe someone in terms of value of their favors, well, difficult for me to accept. May be if I wish to have more closer friends, more valuable friendships, I must let people do favors to me. I must never let the 'marker norms' pollute the 'social ones'; never bring in the slightest trace of 'value' in something that is best left 'invaluable'. :)
why did you stop writing? I miss them :(
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