May 30, 2013

Love versus Money! ?

While reading this book: "Predictably Irrational", I had an eerie realization and came to know how wrongly I have been leading my social life since I gained 'consciousness' of it. 

The book says that

"when a social norm collides with a market norm, the social norm goes away for a long time. In other words, social relationships are not easy to reestablish. Once the bloom is off the rose—once a social norm is trumped by a market norm—it will rarely return."

So, first of all let me clarify what the two norms are:

Social Norm: Things we do for others, give others, that are on their face 'invaluable' because we do it out of love, as a favor, out of warmth, likeness, admiration, whatever you call it.

Market Norm: Things we do for others in exchange for something of explicit monetary value.

So, as it happens, till now, in my whole life, as in really whole of life, as far as I remember, I never ever allowed any one to do anything for me as part of 'Social Norm' except my closest family members of course!  I would jump at every opportunity to return favors, to pay people back, to somehow balance the transaction to my content.
But alas! As the emboldened sentences claim, and I believe they are completely true!; such behavior of mine, forces 'selfish market-norms' to enter 'warm and fuzzy social norms' and destroys the relationship for eternity!

No wonder!

And going back to the friends I have made, I realize, truly to my surprise, they have always been those whom I never wanted to pay back for a favor, or never wanted to put a 'value' to.  More so, they always found a way of giving me, something, in someway, that I could never return.  How very late a realization! No wonder I am so close to my parents and my brother, even though I hardly talk to them or am in touch with them - because all my life, they have done 'favors' to me - things they never put a market value to.

So true, then, that we human beings live in TWO SIMULTANEOUS WORLDS - Social and Market - world of love and world of money - world of self-less-ness and world of expectations - world of pure joy and world of counted gain - world of memories and world of bank-balance.
No wonder, we like doing things for free, more than we like doing them, when we are getting paid!

And that really makes we wonder, whether I should split bills with my boy friend, whether I should always keep track of how much I owe someone in terms of value of their favors, well, difficult for me to accept.  May be if I wish to have more closer friends, more valuable friendships, I must let people do favors to me. I must never let the 'marker norms' pollute the 'social ones'; never bring in the slightest trace of 'value' in something that is best left 'invaluable'. :)

1 comment:

  1. AnonymousJune 30, 2013

    why did you stop writing? I miss them :(