Nosophobia

i have these visions of gross blisters
pain tear sadness
warts or reds or bumps
i live in the anxiety of having lumps

i do not know how to overcome
the fright from the sense of illness
this great feeling of not being at peace
of catching some gruesome fatal disease

sounds heard  hated dreaded
the pappillo the herpes the hiv they said
the horror of finding you have come undone
your happiness away has forever run

sorrows a thousand i can fight
deaths of the dearest i can sight
in loneliness i can forever live
but disease please god never give

what has embedded in me this heaviness
the upbringing, the conversations or the genes
i find it fearsome to live in this unsafe place
this world of infections spreading at such a pace!

oh please help me deal with this
how do i win it piece by piece
when i can enter a quaky building...
then why can't i experience my life unblinking ?